lost wishes
by crimson and bare
Summary: It's so childish to wish for something she can never have, but still, when Yue is alone, all she does is wish. Oneshot.


_Okay, this is really weird. I was bored and suddenly started writing something…and it turned into this. An internal monologue of Yue as the moon. Well, I know it's weird…but that's what I write. Hope you like it._

The stars sparkle, their eternal dance playing out in the heavens above, illuminating the darkness down below. The moon is glowing at its bright peak of a full circle, gracing the Waterbenders below with power, and giving a beacon of hope to those who suffer. Yue can stare down forever if she wants, watching everything move along below her, and imagine the lives of thousands that she is to watch over. And do nothing.

Because Yue is the spirit of the moon, and that only, and she wishes she could do even more to help those below.

But she wishes she could remember what it once was to be able to touch the ice, feel the water rush through her fingers and taste the snow on the tip of her tongue. She wishes she could live her life over again, to be everything she once dreamed of. She wishes to see the faces of those she loved again, but they are long gone to the expense of time. The wishes are in vain, pointless when she has a higher duty to carry out. Always knowing what is right, Yue is happy to take her place in the sky, to be a piece of life…more than just a small body among thousands—to be the one who can aid the thousands.

But when she thinks of every day she has gone without holding someone, touching someone, smiling with someone and feeling their warm presence with them. The moon is cold. No matter how warm-hearted the spirit is, the celestial orb is still colder than the ice of the North Pole. She knows in every heaven there is a hell, and in every hell there is a heaven, but sometimes, she just wants to run free.

Every girl wishes to have more. But no girl has been as limited in their possibilities as Yue. Little girls wish to be princesses, someday they can be. Children wish to be someone important, and they can be. People wish to be remembered forever in history, and many are due to those wishes. But Yue is trapped. Trapped in a beautiful world…but she longs to just have one day. One day where she can be free of her duties, to be a normal girl and to lie on the ground and stare up, instead of helplessly gazing down for her whole life.

She can clearly remember the passing of Sokka. The one boy she ever loved has now been gone for thirty years today. He went bravely, as the warrior he has always been, seeming to be just a joking fool to many, but having a heart that he can be proud of. And she doesn't only say that because she loved him once. Yue will always remember staring through that window, with Suki, the one girl she is glad to trust with Sokka, at his side, both of them watching with equal amounts of desperation as he faded away.

Suki has joined him now, and their daughters have grown to be so beautiful, with their own children and families. Yue watches them when she can, knowing all of what they've become, and all the days they've known. She could feel happy or sad, and she can't choose.

It's so childish to wish for something she can never have, and she should be content with the life she holds…if she can call it a life. But as she watches petals fall from flowers, blowing away into the wind, she longs to catch them, to blow them out over the water and watch them float down the stream, laughing. Yue hasn't laughed in years. How can she when everyone is now gone forever? No one is there to laugh with her…and so she has been unable.

For a long while, she was happy with whom she was, glad to save her home and friends, and ruling the sky with joy and hope for the world. But now, as things even out, as the world passes through peaceful times, there is nothing for her to help. Being the Moon Spirit has lost its charm after so long. Everything is as it should be. Nature has been reborn from its ashes. Families are reunited and growing old and happy together. Smiles are abounding and there is no challenge for the next Avatar. Love still conquers all.

It's so ridiculous for her to desire more than she has. She has been graced with the honor of being the Moon Spirit, between mortal and spirit worlds. And she doesn't want it? Most people would find it crazy. But Yue is tired. That's the perfect word. _Tired_.

She wishes she could lie down a rest, forget the world she wants to live in so much. More wishes. She wishes and hopes and desires, but she knows she will never have any of what she wants. So why does she keep going?

There is no answer to that question. She has to keep going for the life and balance of the world…but sometimes…she is stupid enough to value her own longing for the land below than the balance of the world. The spiritual life of everyone is much more important than the fluttering thoughts of Yue's ever-working mind. Ruminating over every last little prayer inside of her body. Oh, she longs for a body that can let her feel the world, to taste, to smell, to hear the wind.

Yet she is free of pain, which is the price of feeling. So she should be completely happy without all of the mortal worries…and she is still more than a little sad.

That one last kiss granted her what she needed to go on…but it's beauty is wearing away more and more each day. Each day just leads into another, and another until it spans over eternity. An eternal binding to the moon, to the spirits and to the small world that she is lost in.

She wishes she can find it. She hopes she can find the one wish. But perhaps that is just another useless thought, ever present inside of her just to distract her from her duty.

Every wish just falls to the world below, lost in the realm of her longing. If she could just reach down and pick them out, to hold them and to hug them, she might know.

But maybe these wishes are what keep her going. Perhaps she can only go on with the words in her heart that tell her what she needs. What she will never receive.

But she still watches and wishes. For that is what is left of Yue now.

Wishes.


End file.
